Article by Stephen Nock— People move to Berlin for many reasons. Among expats, one well-worn stereotype is that people come because they’re lost and need or want to find themselves. Some stay lost. Some find themselves here and choose to stay. Some figure out that Berlin isn’t for them. And a few become part of the furniture
Thriving in Transition: Part 3 – Balance Outside Work
1. Prelude
A fellow expat colleague used to tell me, if you make it seven years, then you’re meant to stay. Considering every expat has a different background, experience, and life story, there’s no formula to know whether you’re meant to stay or re-settle elsewhere.
I’ve found that many international transplants eventually start wondering:
—Is this still working for me?
—Is this home, or is it a chapter that’s ending?
A pro/con list might leave more questions than answers. And sometimes the question isn’t even “should I stay or go?”. It’s something deeper, foggier: Where can I be me?
As someone who has moved many times and had several bouts of not-knowing since moving to Berlin in 2017, I’ve helped clients explore it, too. Here are some ways to begin navigating this quietly monumental decision without rushing or panicking.
2. Recenter Your “Why”
Before plotting your exit or convincing yourself to push through, take a moment to return to the start. Whether you’re in Berlin on your own or with loved ones, reflecting on what energized your original move can balance other thoughts that might feel unclear or overwhelming.
—What brought you to Berlin, and how strong is this reason today?
—Was it love? What do you love about Berlin now?
—Was it curiosity? Where does curiosity show up in your daily life?
—Was it the UNESCO-recognized techno scene? What do music, freedom, or intensity mean to you personally now?
Your reasons may have changed, or they may hold clues to what will sustain you.
3. Check In With What Has Changed
Equally importantly to your original motivations for moving to Berlin, consider what has changed in your life and what current and future motivations you have for yourself. If you’ve masterfully built a strong routine, social circle, or cozy “kiez” lifestyle, you might be asking this question because life feels flat, not wrong.
Ask yourself:
- What part of your life in Berlin feels stagnant or stuck?
- What kind of growth or challenges are you missing?
- Is it Berlin that’s the “problem,” or are you just overdue for another shift?
- How can you reconnect to the type of challenges that you value?
Sometimes the thing that’s broken isn’t the city; it’s the story we’re stuck in.
4. Consider Your Options
Geographers speak of “push” and “pull” factors when describing immigration, and while deciding to depart Berlin can be a big decision, choosing your destination can be an equally challenging hurdle. Should you repatriate and go back “home,” or is somewhere else calling you? If no particular place seems to be “pulling” you, how could you create options?
Rather than jumping straight to planning your exit, consider coaching’s GROW framework:
- Goal – What are you longing for? (Stability? Belonging? Adventure?)
- Reality – What’s working? What’s not?
- Options – Could you change jobs? Start a side project? Try a new district? When or where might you move?
- What’s next? – What small experiment could you try in the next 30 days?
Creating options, even theoretical ones, can be a powerful interim step. Agency and the freedom to choose, which are arguably embedded in Berlin’s social fabric, protect your wellbeing.
5. Visualize What’s Next
Perhaps more than anyplace else in Europe, Berlin is full of imaginative, unconventional spaces for reflection. Whether you consider breathwork, psychedelic therapy, coaching, journaling, sound baths, or park hangs with strangers-turned-friends, you don’t need to trip (though if you do, Berlin’s got you covered) to access a deeper vision for your life.
Allow yourself to explore creatively:
—What is the truest, most beautiful life you can imagine?
—What does your future self want your present self to know?
—What do you need to know to get you to where you want to be?
6. If you do choose to leave…
Berlin wants to stick with you, but there are few things you can do to ease your exit.
7. And if you do choose to stay…
Choosing to stay doesn’t mean settling. It means choosing again. You can stay and still change neighborhoods, jobs, languages, perspectives. You can rewrite your Berlin story without leaving the city.
“Where can I be me?” isn’t just a question about location. It’s about alignment.
Maybe the version of you that’s emerging now still belongs here, just in a new way.
8. Ready for a Thought Partner?
Perhaps those expats who struggle with choosing where to be would be comforted (for once!) by the German language. If you have have more than one place you call home, the twinned concepts of homesickness (Heimweh) and wanderlust (Fernweh) connect the aching for home and the aching to be away, such that perhaps in ways locals and natives might not understand, you’re capable of feeling a combination of heimweh and fernweh together.
If you’re navigating fog, burnout, or that quiet hum of “something’s not right,” it helps to talk it through. Whether you’re staying or going, don’t go it alone. Talk to someone with a strong ability to listen non-judgmentally.
Conclusion
If you’re curious to get support tailored to your situation, be sure to check the experts in the WelcomeBerlin Marketplace. Alongside my own near-decade navigating the German system as an outsider, I’ve coached dozens of expats through transitions like these, helping them not only understand their rights, but reclaim confidence, clarity, and direction. It helps to have support when living outside your comfort zone.
Author: Stephen Nock —ICF ACC-certified coach, certified yoga instructor, and grew professionally working in tech start-ups in the US and Germany. Find him on the WelcomeBerlin Marketplace.
Stephen Nock
Stephen Nock is a certified coach based in Berlin, where he moved from the US in 2017. After 12 years working in global tech start-ups, Stephen supports individuals and workplace teams navigating change and uncertainty to get back to calm decision making. In his free time, he enjoys baking, exercising outdoors, and practicing yoga. Contact him to explore team-building and work/life coaching opportunities, whether AVGS-funded or not.
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