Article by Hélène Isabelle Belaunde— You may have heard that, much like dating, Berlin has a mixed reputation when it comes to building and maintaining long-term friendships. Common complaints include widespread flakiness and inconvenient geography, among other issues. But is it really hard to make friends? How can you find your tribe as a newcomer? Let’s dive in.
How to Make Friends in Berlin. A Guide for Newcomers
1. Intro
Comedy Therapy is an event that puts a fun twist on the classic stand-up show. Before it starts, members of the audience write their life problems on pieces of paper; a duo of comedians proceed to read them out loud and offer their two cents. (In other words: prepare to get roasted.) I attended my first show recently and had a jolly good time.
In between peculiar dating woes and complaints about work, one story left a strong impression. To paraphrase the patient:
“I made a new buddy on Bumble Friends. We met several times, and I thought we had fun, but one day they just ghosted me. I feel bad now.”
Cue the entire room going, “Awww,” along with a sizable portion of the audience nodding with weary expressions. Clearly, the story had struck a nerve.
2. Making Friends in Berlin: Is it Really That Hard?
Berlin is full of awesome people, but it does present a few challenges that are worth being aware of. The city offers an unfathomable number of distractions: Parties, exhibits, workshops, seminars, you name it. Everything is vibrant, weird, attention-grabbing, and FOMO-inducing.
As a result, (nearly) everyone seems to have the agenda of a Prime Minister: Per the 2-2-2 rule that I just made up, if you want to meet more than two people, it’ll take a Doodle to find a two-hour time slot exactly two months from now.
So be patient, and don’t hesitate to use WhatsApp polls. (Yes, really.) Another issue is that, for many, Berlin is less a home than a phase. People come and go, leaving after a couple of years to put down roots in a town where the sun is more than just a fever dream. (Bureaucracy is partly to blame for this: Many Berliners are forced to leave due to visa issues.) The city’s sheer size also hinders socialization. When it takes thirty to forty-five minutes getting from A to B, people are more hesitant to leave their cozy nests —especially during the harsh winters.
Perhaps more problematically, there seems to be a tendency toward flakiness. This is hard to measure (someone should do a study), but it does feel like the city’s social climate encourages unreliable behavior. Plans are cancelled at the last minute, messages go unanswered, budding friends are ghosted. Not everyone does this, but it’s far from uncommon. I’m not sure whether this is a Berlin thing, as opposed to a big city thing. My advice is to avoid flakiness yourself and filter for people who are more reliable, at least when it comes to close friendships.
Despite these challenges, making friends doesn’t need to be hard. It depends on your approach, social style, circumstances, and luck. People who are highly sociable won’t have much trouble, while the shy and reserved may need more time; still others get lucky and become best friends for life with their first housemates. It’s also worth noting that, according to relationship science, making friends is harder as an adult, period. People get busy with their careers, their relationships, their kids. To find your mates, it’s important to be both intentional and patient.
The fact remains that there’s plenty of kind, awesome, fun people in Berlin who are ready to make space for new and exciting connections. Your job is to find the ones you click with. Let’s get started.
3. Making Friends 101: The Traditional Route
How do strong, healthy friendships form? According to researchers, through repeated exposure. Best case scenario, you meet (almost) daily in a familiar setting, which allows you to discover each other organically. Classic examples are college, the workplace, or your flatshare. This is by far the easiest route and how most people start building their friend group in Berlin; I found my first buddies through my job and long-term WG.
Of course, this involves a certain amount of luck: Sometimes, you just won’t bond with your colleagues or housemates. You could also be a freelancer or live by yourself —or both. Which brings us to the next point.
4. Find Your Tribe Through Common Interests
Do you enjoy writing short stories in your spare time? Spend your weekends hiking? Or have you always wanted to try out stained glass art? One of the amazing things about Berlin is that no matter how niche your interests, there’s a community out there for you. Focus on groups that meet at least once a week. Joining an association is ideal because these are more likely to have a stable group of members, unlike the rotating cast of attendees common in many Meetups. A former flatmate of mine met most of this friend group (and life partner) through his Frisbee association. For my friend’s boyfriend, it was through bouldering, which is well-known for its kind and supportive community. I’ve found wonderful people through my theater association.
Here are a few examples of popular activities for building friendships:
—Theater/Improv
—Public Speaking
—Bouldering
—Co-working/Freelance meetups
—Clubbing/Music scene
—Volunteering
—German Classes
The last one is my personal favorite: If you have the money and time, German classes are a great way to make friends. You’re all a bunch of foreigners lost in the city, learning one of the most difficult languages known to humanity (okay, maybe not—but it sure feels like it). As fellow newbies navigating the challenges of Anmeldungs and Steuererklärungs, you have so much in common that friendships practically forge themselves. I met one of my dearest and most beloved friends in German class, nine years ago, and am deeply grateful for it.
To find groups, use well-known platforms like meetup.com, eventbrite.com, luma.com, and the good old-fashioned Google search: “theater association+berlin”, “german class+berlin”, etc. Note that Meetups are hit and miss, since attendees can change weekly. This is why I prefer associations with stable membership groups.
5. What Are The Best Friendship Apps?
Yes, friendship apps are absolutely a thing, and they’re increasingly popular. I’ll highlight three of them:
Bumble Friends
A companion to the well-known dating app. One of my former colleagues, who hails from Bavaria, downloaded it shortly after moving to Berlin and matched with a lovely woman who later connected her to her entire friend group. They seem to spend an awful lot of time vacationing in Greece, bless their souls.
Timeleft
With Timeleft, rather than meeting people one-on-one, you attend dinners with a group of five strangers every Wednesday, selected for you by the algorithm. At the end of the night, you can choose the individuals you’d like to see again, thus “matching” with them (à la speed dating). So, if it doesn’t work out, no hard feelings.
Thursday
Okay, this isn’t technically a friendship app… But hear me out!
Thursday is a singles dating event that takes place on, you guessed it, Thursday. It’s also an amazing place to meet new friends. I attended an event in late August. The vibe was excellent, and I met two lovely women; we gathered last weekend to play backgammon. Plus, you get a few allies to support you on your dating journey. If you’re single, I strongly recommend you attend.
6. Turning First Encounters Into Lasting Connections
Let’s say you’ve struck gold at a writing event, bouldering session, or during a night out, and had a great conversation with someone you vibe with. Now what?
The golden rule is as follows: Make plans to meet them immediately. I’m talking in the next few days, even the very next day, not “hey was sure nice to meet you perhaps we can meet soon and stuff?”, which is basically the equivalent of “farewell, stranger, forever and ever until the end of time”.
You may genuinely like each other, but you’ve met exactly once, and you both have lives; if there’s no shared setting where you can interact daily, it’s crucial to go the extra mile. Arrange to meet at least once a week so you can get to know each other. Forget coffee and do things: Attend an exhibit you normally wouldn’t see, watch reality TV and make fun of it, learn Go and struggle at it. Start curating your gallery of inside jokes.
7. Helpful Mindsets To Adopt On Your Friendship Journey
Building friendships can feel frustrating at times, especially when promising connections don’t pan out. Here’s a few ideas to make the process easier:
Don’t take things personally
As discussed previously, flakiness is not uncommon in Berlin. If you get ghosted, breadcrumbed, or whatever the new fancy word is these days, take a deep breath, remember that it happens to everyone, and move on. Your real friends won’t ditch you.
Be proactive
So many friendships never got the chance to begin because both people worried that the other didn’t like them. Learn to reach out first instead of waiting. Better yet, be the organizer: throw the events that bring people together.
Consider acting more sociable than you’re comfortable with
If you’re reserved and prefer staying home over going out, I’d recommend acting more sociable than you usually do, at least at the beginning. If your goal is to make a few intimate friends, the more events you attend and/or projects you participate in, the faster you’ll get there.
Don’t hang out with people you don’t really like
It’s tempting, when you’re new to a city, to start hanging out with people you feel merely “okay” about because they happen to be available. However, this means investing a lot of time and energy you could otherwise be spending looking for your tribe. It also means they’re investing time and energy into someone who’s not a good fit. If you’re really not clicking with them, the best thing to do (for both your sakes) is gently let them go.
Master the art of micro-connections
Small talk is underrated. At its core, it means telling someone that you want to connect with them, even briefly. Trust me, as someone who has engaged in her fair share of small talk in the elevator: Most people enjoy it when you reach out. (Yes, even Berliners!) Chat with your neighbors in the staircase; tell that person on the bus they have beautiful shoes. Fostering micro-connections can help put you in the “I’m open to making friends” vibe, which increases your chances of success.
Conclusion: Finding your Tribe in Berlin
Berlin is home to some of the most wonderful, self-aware, quirky people you will ever meet. While the city can seem harsh, remember that everyone desires connection. It may require some time and effort, but you’ll find your people. And that’s when Berlin starts getting really fun.
Author: Hélène Isabelle Belaunde —Hélène is a French-Peruvian freelance writer who has lived in Hong Kong, Lima, and Taiwan before calling Berlin her home nine years ago. A language enthusiast, she writes in French, English, and German, with a special focus on wellness, psychology, and marketing. In her free time, she enjoys creating fantasy and playing villains on stage. See her portfolio here
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