Article by Stephen Nock— You’ve left “home,” and you’re settling into Berlin. You’ve surmounted the obstacle course that is securing a contract for a job, an apartment, phone, internet, and registration (Anmeldung). You’ve unpacked the last box and suitcase. By all measures of paperwork and checklists, you’re done.
You’ve moved. The phone calls, emails, and texts from loved ones checking in from afar quiet down. But weeks or months after the big day, you’re not feeling quite settled. While moving is widely understood to be stressful, we tend to place less emphasis on the time after the boxes are unpacked. Whether temporary, indefinite, or permanent, a move is a discreet event but settling in takes time. It’s the uncomfortable challenge of creating a home away from home.
With around 170 nationalities (2023) and foreigners making up a whopping 23% of the overall population, Berlin is a city that attracts all varieties of foreigners, each of whom has their own unique emotional needs to feel settled and comfortable.
Thriving in Transition: Part 2 – Rebuild Your Comfort Zone
1. Growth (Normally) Happens Outside the Comfort Zone
Having lived in 3 countries, 7 U.S. states, and equally many apartments in Berlin (I lost count…), I’ve familiarized myself with the process of packing and unpacking suitcases and boxes, as well as unpacking what “home” means to me.
While feeling settled and having a secure base is undoubtedly important for our wellbeing, it’s also essential to acknowledge that challenges help us grow, evolve, and survive. In an ideal world, home is where we feel safe, secure, and cherished; from this home base, we can choose to venture out to be challenged and expand our horizons. Moving to a new country might eliminate the sense of secure base to the extent that we live in discomfort and seek comfort in every direction.
Noticing what you need to rebuild your comfort zone in a new home in a new country gives you a foundation for growing and facing continued challenges, without isolating yourself in restrictive ways.
When you’re settling into a new Berlin Kiez that might not feel like home yet, what can you do to rebuild your sense of comfort and belonging?
2. Honor the Old While Nourishing the New
While settling into your new space and establishing your anchor points in Berlin is important, it’s okay to take time, and feelings of nostalgia are natural. Our brains are more likely to recall the past positively and more likely to be skeptical or see future events negatively. If you notice yourself seeing your future dismally and missing your old life, trust that it’s normal to think the grass might be greener on the other side. While this mental wiring actually helps you survive, it also helps to acknowledge the grass might be greener where you water it.
Cultivate your new living environment with elements that evoke a sense of home for you.
—Tips: What belongings or colors do you have from your previous home? Create space for these alongside depictions or objects that commemorate your new home.If your workspace allows you to display personal decoration, create a “window” into your other home(s). I once had a colleague who missed the Spanish seaside, so we hung a picture in the actual window of our shared space depicting the landscape that he missed.
You might also have the option to play videos from YouTube or One Minute Park to have a portal connecting your new home in Berlin with other places you call home.
3. Ground Your Taste Buds
In some parts of Berlin, it’s easier to find international foods than it is to find German or local cuisine. (Believe it or not, there are foods Berlin is known for other than Kebab and Currywurst!) While settling in, it may help to take an exploratory perspective, to curiously find new favorite places to dine or grocery shop. Food can be comforting, and challenging yourself to “try new things” will help you grow into your new home.
Beyond restaurants offering local and international cuisine, explore the abundant international grocery stores to experience familiar and new tastes. Beyond the everyday supermarkets, which have small but growing selections of international food, Berlin has specialty grocery stores for Asian, South Asian, Latin American, African, and even other European ingredients. Polish, Georgian, Sudanese, you name it, and you can probably find ingredients in Berlin.
—Tip: Sharing food is also a great way to create connections and develop community, so consider inviting colleagues or neighbors together to a gathering to share your diverse tastes of home.
Whether protesting or celebrating, Berliners love a reason to get out into the streets and parks, and when people gather, they need nourishment. Events like Karneval der Kulturen (May/June), exhibitions, and food festivals celebrating international cuisine offer opportunities to return to your home palette and explore new tastes. Some neighborhood farmers markets feature stalls with foreign foods and drinks, too.
—Tip: Any place where you find foods that bring you comfort, ask what other venues or events they recommend. In the search for a taste of home, these vendors may know the hidden secrets of where to find more.
4. Know What Comfort and Challenge Mean to You
Growth happens outside our comfort zone, and typically, home represents a space of comfort that we can return to for recovery and nourishment. When you move to Berlin, your new home may feel chaotic, anonymous, or even cold at first (especially in winter!). Even something simple, like navigating the Bürgeramt or figuring out recycling rules, can drain your energy. That’s why intentionally creating your version of comfort in Berlin matters.
Creating a self-awareness of where you want to stay comfortable and where you want to choose challenges outside your comfort zone is key to finding your footing here in Berlin. Are you sticking to your Kiez because it feels manageable? Avoiding German conversations, even when you know more than you think?
—Tip: Pay attention to where you might be playing it safe. If you’re the journaling type, journal about how you might be staying in your comfort zone. If you prefer connecting with others, talk to people, whether long-time friends who can relate to your past comforts or new connections who can join you on a walk or a hike to appreciate the challenges of your new environment.
5. Connect with Others
With its nearly 900,000 foreign residents, you may feel lonely, but you’re not the only person experiencing the hardships of settling in. Of course, when you’re out and about, you may notice the folks who project confidence and belonging, but there are arguably thousands of people just like you, wondering where they can find someone to talk to.
Neighborhood community centers (Kieztreffs) or other culture hubs often host gatherings with everything from German classes to yoga to coffee hours, often at low or no cost. Meetups or interest groups may gather in public or private spaces.
—Tip: Search for ways to meet people that connect with common interests or offer different experiences and perspectives. Learning German is notoriously difficult, and in Berlin, it’s not made easier by the abundance of people fluent in English and other languages.
—Tip: For a relaxed language exchange, look for a Sprachcafé, or for a low-cost option, look to the Volkshochschule for different course options, including languages. Berlin also has plenty of people who read languages other than German.
—Tip: Bookshops such Dussmann das KulturKaufhaus or other speciality stores will support your knack for the latest releases or an old classic.
6. Missing “Home”? Take Small Steps
When you start to notice the discomfort of being in a foreign home, remember that pain (Schmerz) is different from discomfort (Unbehagen). Even if it feels impossible to find comfort, no matter the reason for your move to Berlin, there are things that you benefit from trying.
Alongside recognizing the challenges you face and choosing to lean into the discomfort, having a supportive network can help you build inner stability while navigating outer change.
If you’re curious to get support tailored to your situation, be sure to check the experts in the WelcomeBerlin Marketplace. Together with my own near-decade navigating the German system as an outsider, I’ve coached dozens of expats through transitions like these, helping them not only understand their rights, but reclaim confidence, clarity, and direction. It helps to have support when living outside your comfort zone.
Author: Stephen Nock —ICF ACC-certified coach, certified yoga instructor, and grew professionally working in tech start-ups in the US and Germany. Find him on the WelcomeBerlin Marketplace.
Stephen Nock
Stephen Nock is a certified coach based in Berlin, where he moved from the US in 2017. After 12 years working in global tech start-ups, Stephen supports individuals and workplace teams navigating change and uncertainty to get back to calm decision making. In his free time, he enjoys baking, exercising outdoors, and practicing yoga. Contact him to explore team-building and work/life coaching opportunities, whether AVGS-funded or not.
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